What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?
"Loneliness is dangerous. It's addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don't wanna deal with people."
This is a difficult one for most people to understand. For me, it's especially hard because I have a massive fear of abandonment, and feeling lonely brings out those fears in full effect. Learning to sit with that emotion and realizing that it's actually not as bad as I imagined it would be has been something I continue to work on. Learning to love my own company and not need anyone else but myself has been liberating and although it is still largely a work in progress the peacefulness that comes with it is more satisfying then anything I have ever experienced. Recently, I have made difficult decisions in my life and I attribute that solely to learning to face my fear of abandonment and therefore being alone and for that... I am very grateful. Through this I have learned that the only thing my fear of being alone has ever done for me is made me feel more alone. Yes... that's right. That which we fear is what our lives will continue to produce for us. Not until we learn to face those fears head on will we be able to diminish -- and hopefully destroy -- any hold it has on our lives. Not until we stop pretending those fears don't exist and bring them to the surface will we be able to break free from the shackles of our fears.
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Each of us face different fears. I believe our fears are made up from our life experiences and mostly our childhood. Only in the last year have I been able to identify the root of my fears -- fear of loss and fear of abandonment -- and tie them to my behavior and actions throughout my life. It has brought me such a wealth of understanding of myself and who I am and most importantly it has allowed me to grow as a person in ways I never thought possible. Don't get me wrong... I am still a HUGE work in progress and my fears continue to influence many of my decisions, however, I am aware of them now and I am working on building my strength against them. I don't think these fears -- that have been ingrained in me from a child through some very specific experiences -- will ever disappear but what I hope is that I will one day be stronger than my fears and they will no longer control me. My hope is that I will one day be fully at ease with being alone and therefore never have to fear loneliness again.
My message is this... face your fears, sit with those unwanted emotions and free yourself from the shackles of fear. Fear keeps us in that unfulfilling career, in the unsatisfying relationship. It keeps us from living our dreams and moving forward with what we really want. We fear that if we let go of that job or relationship we will never find better so instead we hold onto mediocrity rather than strive for something better. Truthfully, wouldn't having no relationship be better than having a mediocre one? Wouldn't having a job that just pays the bills be better than one that stresses you out and consumes you or depletes you to the very core? Follow your heart and believe that everything that crosses your path was meant to cross your path for a reason.
Sending all my love... Eleni... xoxox!
"Fear comes with uncertainty; we can eliminate the fear within us when we know ourselves better."
-- Bruce Lee